...because I came back from Spain and it overwhelmed me. Seriously guys, it's very difficult to adapt to the life you've always had when you spend a year away. I've always thought it was a sissy reaction from spoiled kids who've been at parties all year long and not studied a single book. I was mistaken, I guess.
It didn't help coming back right during my astral hell. This expression doesn't exist in English, so let me explain: it's the 30-day period before your birthday, on which your finishing a cycle - and you get nervous, angry, and depressed until the day you were born. To me, it's completely true: EVERY YEAR I get unbelievebely bitter the month before my birthday, and it only intensifies as it approaches. I only get better on the day. Most times, only by night (after I faked smiles all day long while people wishes me good).
It might explain why this week has been so dreadful. Today - the 12th of September - it culminates. I hope I don't look like shit tomorrow, but I deliberately avoid meeting dear people on the very date, just so I don't hurt them by not being very gentle. I'll celebrate it on Saturday, with an EPIC Storyteller RPG table (Changeling rocks my socks, HOHOHO), with my friends, beer, cheetos and everything that's nasty 8D
So, meh. Turning 23 tomorrow. Time sure runs fast, but it doesn't seem so. The last year, in Spain, lasted a lifetime. I arrived there a week after I turned 22... and came back a month before turning 23. And in those 11 months I grew up more than in many years. It's strange to finally become an adult - it's like when your wisdom teeth start to irrupt. You want to get rid of it quickly so you want them to come out fast, but God it hurts. It's not pleasant. But eventually, it'll be out and you'll be...
God, that was the worst comparison I've ever made.
Ok, it's weird but it's pleasant to see a great deal of immaturity behind. I know I'll only be a "full" adult when it doesn't bother me anymore, but right now I'm just amazed. There was a time when I thought I was lost in life; that time has passed and here I am, stronger than ever. I've never felt that way, and it feels wonderful. While so, I need to practice, practice a lot. I need to recover the drawing ability I had, learn new painting techniques, and work. There are new things on the way.
Next year it's the year of the snake again, my Chinese zodiac sign. I'll shut another cycle, a longer one, for the second time of my life. I need to prepare myself for what comes... may be hell or high water.